Coming Down

Wow…tomorrow Anne and I will be 28 days "post impact". Only four weeks, but so much has happened and been done. It feels like so much longer than that! We have covered a lot of ground together. We have both worked hard to help each other, and to help "us". Yesterday we both just got into a bit of a funk. We both have headaches, and seem to be dealing with a general moodiness we can't quite put words to. As I thought about this, a light bulb went off in my head. I have felt this way before, after combat. For me to describe what happened Christmas night as traumatic would be an understatement. In the days since, all my knobs have been cranked to twelve. I've been "hyper-everything". Every word and action has carried an importance that is hard to explain. Nothing has felt trivial or unimportant. A human body can only tolerate this kind of heightened existence for so long before it starts to suffer. I was coming down. I went home to talk to Anne. While she gave different words to her feelings, we both seemed to be feeling much the same things. We agreed to just let ourselves coast for a bit. No more "hard work". We're just going to focus on loving each other and cushioning each other's landings. What we didn't discuss is that there is no reliable way to predict how far we may fall. We may well be entering a phase that could challenge us. It will test the changes we've tried to make that past few weeks. We are entering this phase clinging tightly to God and each other. We have to trust both to carry us through.

We are talking together in a way we never have before. We are praying together each night before bed. We are learning to trust each other with feelings we had carried alone in the past. We are appreciating each other in a way that was almost forgotten. We have decided to seek the aid of a marriage counselor. We both understand that while we have made great strides on our own with the help of some amazing friends, there are still tough times ahead. We want to ensure that we have built the strongest possible support structure before those times hit.

I'm going to let myself take a break from writing for awhile. It served me well early on, but I confess it has become something I'm starting to view as a chore. It probably won't be a long break, but just letting myself off the hook feels pretty good. I did find another online support community I really feel good about. Save Your Marriage Central has a wonderfully supportive community of adults dealing with marriage issues. Some forum moderators are certified marriage coaches, and they have closed forums for people to use who are dealing with particularly sensitive issues। Including one for wayward spouses, who, let's face it; find it very hard to find a sympathetic ear in our world. I'm strongly encouraging Anne to make use of this.

I want to thank everyone who has contacted me in past weeks. The support and prayers have been greatly appreciated. It's also nice to know that some of what I have written has been helpful to others. I'll post again when I feel the need. Until then, just love each other.

Don