Date Night

Anne and I had always talked about how we needed to make time for us. We needed to schedule date nights every so often just to spend time together. Months came and went, but schedules or budgets never, or almost never, allowed us to follow through. We realize now that date nights can’t be treated as luxuries. They are necessities. We have promised to treat them as such from now on. Friday night was our first “post impact” date night. All day Friday I was as excited and nervous as I was the day of our very first date. In my contact with her that day, it was clear she was feeling the same. I went to get the sitter while she finished getting ready. When I got home, she took my breath away. She wasn’t dressed in anything especially stunning, but she looked beautiful. She was glowing, and my heart raced.
We went to dinner, visited a store we’d always talked about visiting, but hadn’t, and then went to catch a movie. We had planned to go roller skating, but it turned out that Friday nights are reserved for “teens and tweens”. For some reason we began discussing our daughters, our oldest mostly. Anne would be taking her bra shopping the next morning. Given that our oldest is ten, this would be a big deal. Anne planned to take her to Starbucks after for a little time to “talk”. Our conversation about our daughter and her growing up brought us to the subject of birth control. It’s a subject Anne is quite firm on and I’m somewhat torn over. As we debated this touchy issue I asked her about her “first time”. She hadn’t waited for marriage, neither had I. We both wished we had and I asked her to remember what she was thinking that night those years ago as she violated all she had been taught and told growing up. She said she was thinking, “I shouldn’t be doing this”, over and over. Out of nowhere, a knife entered my gut, and twisted. She’d used the very same words when I asked her to tell me what she was thinking and feeling that night with Dick. This couldn’t be happening. How had I let this come up on our date night? We found our seats and I excused myself to use the restroom. I didn’t need a restroom. I needed air. I went outside and walked all the way around the theater. We had 15 minutes until our show started, and I felt like I was dying inside. I had to get this out, we had to talk about it or it would have two hours to rip me apart. We used those 15 minutes to talk, cry and hold hands. The movie was funny and our evening wasn’t ruined.
Things hit when we least expect them. If we let them fester, they will only get worse. Even if we had needed to step outside together, “we” were more important than the movie. Nothing can be left unsaid. Nothing can be allowed to be more important than dealing with a hurt that is being felt by either of us. Talking together can ease any hurt, if we take the time to do the talking. I have no idea how long things will be this way. I don’t know if we will ever get past this to a point that a comment like the one made that night won’t tear open this wound I carry. I am learning that I love Anne for a reason, and that together, we are able to overcome anything.
The day I first talked to Mark about this, he told me that the fact that I went home the night before, told him I had already made up my mind to work this out. The fact was that when I woke up that day, the only question I was really trying to answer was which of us should move out. If he hadn’t been there, this would be a very different story. Every day since then has been a gift we both owe to him. I hope he knows how much we both appreciate it.