Five very long weeks ago, on Christmas night, my wife came to me and started talking. She told me that the emotional affair she'd been involved in had become as important to her as her marriage to me. She also told me that a shopping trip she'd gone on a couple weeks before had actually been a secret weekend getaway with her "other man", and that it crossed the line that weekend and became a physical affair. That was five weeks ago.
Last night, my wife and I sat and just talked for hours. We talked about our fears and struggles. We talked about how much we loved each other. We talked about a future we both look forward to together. We talked about taking dance lessons. Not because we both love to dance, but because we are both so self conscious and scared on a dance floor we never go dancing. We talked about how nice it will be to face, and overcome that fear together, and how nice it will be to do it with our arms wrapped around each other. After learning to dance, we are moving on to bungee jumping.
In five very long weeks we have taken our marriage from the very edge of the abyss to a better place than it has ever been. Every step has been documented here, but not every detail has been given. As I started thinking last night, I became very aware that the single most important factor in our recovery has been somewhat glossed over by me. In my second post, I said "As a Christian, I know that God hates divorce, but I also know that in this case, I had His blessing to end it." I have also commented on Anne and me clinging to God and each other. These short statements simply don't do justice to the role our faith has played in our path to where we are today. I happen to believe that God created the institution of marriage. To suggest that a marriage can be as strong without His input as with it seems just plain silly to me. But, as I've said, my greatest expertise is in wrecking a marriage, not getting it right. Anne and I spent eight years driving ours off a cliff, and have only had five weeks of experience getting it right. Take my advice as you will. I will continue to give credit and glory to God. If you would prefer to credit two obvious bunglers like Anne and I, be my guest. We will both be wishing you the best of luck.
We were all home together on Thursday. It was a snow day, and the kids were all cranked up. We decided to send them outside, while we watched a movie together. We had heard about a movie called "Fireproof". It had been playing in theaters in the fall. We both felt at the time that we should make time to see it. We had heard that it could really help strengthen our marriage, but there were just too many things on our agenda that were more important to us. (If that statement didn't cause you to pause, read it again) We wanted to see it now. I slipped and slid to the video store and back with the movie in hand. We got the kids out of the way and snuggled under a blanket to enjoy the film. About halfway through, we were both in tears. We saw so much of ourselves in the couple we were watching. We wanted to scream out a warning. We both agreed that if we had seen this movie in the fall, we might well have avoided the painful events that finally woke us up. We also agreed that we needed to get a copy to keep on our shelf for the day we might need to be reminded of the things we knew so clearly now. I will warn you; if you are a person who becomes instantly offended and angry by the suggestion that your life could be better with God than without Him, this movie probably won't do much for you. That would be sad, because this movie really CAN change both your life and your marriage. I've said before that it take two to rebuild a marriage. I stand by that. This movie can show you how one partner, with God, can be the two it takes.
I used to think that being "in love" was a naturally temporary thing. It's fading over time was just "par for the course". It doesn't have to be. The fact is that the fading of that feeling is a very clear sign that you are off course. My heart beats faster when I know Anne is on her way home from work, or I am finished with me day and headed back to her. I get excited when I see her name as the caller on my phone. I smile when she sends me a text. I am totally, completely, head over heels, gaga, in love with my wife. When a good thing happens during my day, it's not complete until I've shared it with her. When I am troubled by something, I know that talking to her about it will make me feel better. It does make me sad sometimes to think of what we had to go through to get here. We will both carry scars from this for a long time. I carry a lot of scars on my body. They remind me of mistakes I've made and serve to warm me away from making the same mistakes again. Some have even become badges of honor that remind me how much I can deal with when new trials come upon me. I can live with scars. I don't ever even want to think about living without my Annie. She is right where she belongs; at the center of my world.
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