One of Those Days

My last post really needs a “She Said” to follow it. Anne assures me that she will provide one, but it’s not ready yet. In the mean time, yesterday was “one of those days”. A good friend of Anne decided that this was just bringing too many emotions to the surface for her. She feels a real need to pull away for a time. The way this played out was devastating for her. It also resulted in my learning that Dick has been calling her at work. She’s assured me that she has not spoken with him, and has only left a voice mail asking him to stop calling, but it stirred up a LOT of anger in me. Knowing even that she is hearing his voice on occasion made me crazy.
I’d been so focused on us that he had been pushed aside. My anger had also been pushed aside. As it surfaced yesterday, it frightened me. I sent a message to his phone telling him to stop. No threats, no wild descriptions of what I would do to him if he refused, just a simple demand that he stop calling my wife. Even as I struggled to control what I was writing, my mind swirled with ugly, disturbing images. Images of what had happened between them and images of what I would like to do to him. I remember Mark telling me about the fantasies he had as he went through this. I’d wondered at the time where mine were. They came to me yesterday with a vengeance.
The odd thing is that just the day before another friend of Anne’s had told her that she thought I might need to be given permission to show my anger. She worried that I might be holding it in, in an unhealthy way. At the time, I really didn’t think she had anything to worry about. Now I’m not so sure. Yesterday showed me that I am angry. I’ve not found a way to express it, and if I don’t, it could come back to bite us.
As I write this today, I’ve not been able to find an answer to this problem. It’s clearly something I need to focus some effort on.